"Cid, you gotta tell me. I dunno what to do. My past's like a minefield full of mistakes. But there had to have been things that were right. But what, which of 'em was right? Which was wrong? Which me am I supposed to be from now on? No, I wanna change. Am I not allowed, 'cause of my past? Huh? Am I supposed to keep this gun stuck on my arm, scarin' kids? Is that how I make up for my sins? I don't know anymore. Help me, Cid… What am I supposed to do?"
CASE OF BARRET
It had been several months since that day—the chosen day. After helping Tifa and
Cloud build their home, Barret entrusted his best friend Dyne's orphaned daughter
Marlene to the two of them and embarked on a journey. It was a journey to settle the sins
of his past. Before departing, he offered several words to Tifa, who shouldered the same
guilt. Don't just take. Prove you know how to give. He thought doing that would lead her,
at the very least, to redemption. But his own words brought him no solace, and Barret
remained unsure of what he was supposed to do. Being with Marlene gave him peace of
mind; he felt guilty for putting off action just one more day. He knew he had to leave,
even if he had no purpose. Put some space between him and his heart's crutch, bear
himself to the wilds. This was a "quick-fix" departure.
For half a year he roamed the world. Other than the geostigma problem, life outside of
Midgar had turned to some semblance of normal. The only difference was that hardly
anyone used mako—not a single reactor was operating. At one time, this would have
been considered a victory for Barret and the anti-Shinra movement, but the feeling of
being lost overcame any sense of satisfaction. There was no place for a man with a gun
attached to his right arm except amidst battle and chaos. "Take those away, and where do I
get to pay for my sins?" He felt panicked, even.
Sometimes he wandered the forests looking for a fight, taking down any monsters that
attacked, but all the feverish battles would bring was self-loathing. All I'm killing
is stress. And every time, Barret would let out a roar.
That is an excerpt from Case of Barret which is his story after the events of Final Fantasy VII and before Advent Children – a prequel! It's actually from a book called "The Novel" that has English translations of the Case of's from On The Way To A Smile. It’s so different to read Barret’s complete life story in such a beautifully written way full of vivid imagery; it’s poetic. I highly recommend reading this; it’s so far my favorite of the On the Way to a Smile series. It begins right after Barret leaves Marlene with Tifa so he can go on a journey to find himself. It lets you inside his mind better than anything else, ranging from how his emotions overtook his actions and how his arm wound made him feel like a monster. It’s beautiful when the origin of his Gun-Arm is discussed; Barret doesn’t want weapons attached, he wants a human hand. He doesn’t want to just be seen as some fighting machine with a grudge.
"I want to make up for my sins. That's why I'm on the road. But no matter how much time
goes on, I can't figure out the way to do it. I'm prob'ly just the man you say. Whaddaya
think a guy like that's gotta do to atone?"
It’s really cute when the story discusses Barret’s eyes lighting up when he sees children playing because he immediately thinks of Marlene. Naturally, the kids all run away in fear when they see his arm and he’s hurt by this. One of my favorite parts is the ability of the story to show more character interaction. Barret & Cid actually discuss things in this, like Barret’s current events and problems, which can barely be found in the game. You also get to see how Barret’s views about oil originated as it being useless and “only good for burning in lamps” – he was still into the idea of Mako energy; this clearly changes in Dirge of Cerberus. Barret also still thinks about Biggs, Wedge and Jessie and how the memories of their faces continue to make him sad. His past is, and I quote, “A minefield of mistakes”.
When Barret returned to his workshop, Old Man Sakaki held out a new prosthesis made
just the way he'd ordered it. The hand was made of wood, and had a warm feel to it. It
wasn't meant to fit an adaptor, but attached directly to the arm instead. Barret looked at
the hand, then at the old man and said, "I still got journeyin' to do. I gotta find some land
that yields oil. I may end up goin' places nobody else would dare enter, dangerous
places. There's no tellin' what monsters I'll find. So I still need a weapon. And not just to
defend myself. I'm not allowed to stop fightin'. If my fightin' means somebody else doesn't
have to, then that's my calling. No, my penance."
The story ends with Barret thinking about Marlene. He wants to write to her and maybe even call her. Then he decides not yet. He’ll do it after his journey is complete and then he’ll take that hand the old man made him and write and deliver it to her himself. In Case of Tifa, he does in fact make a call, so I’m guessing that his story takes place before her’s.